Rooney, Rio and Terry out of the World Cup: An Alternative England

It’s the morning of Saturday, 22nd May and Fabio Capello is within a week of naming the definitive England party of 23 which he will lead to the much-anticipated World Cup finals in South Africa in just a few days time. Yet, with typically ghastly timing, his best-laid plans are laid to waste.

Wayne Rooney provokes eerily-familiar frenzied tabloid headlines (“Roo-Knee Wrecked”; “Wayne’s Sprain Pain in Spain”) by tweaking his right knee in the process of grabbing Manchester United’s opening goal in the Champions League final in Madrid. A Roo-less United go on to lose 8-1 to an unexpectedly rampant CSKA Moscow side and England’s premier striker is ruled out of action for more than a month.

It gets worse. Within hours of Rooney’s misfortune, recently-installed captain Rio Ferdinand stages a remarkable eve-of-tournament walkout; following his dream career in TV production by accepting a lucrative offer from ITV to oversee the resurrected 80s telly ‘classic’ Beadle’s About (starring former Bristol Rovers striker Peter Beadle as prankster-in-chief).

The grieving nation is sent into a state of sheer apoplexy when it is later announced that the remaining members of the England squad (including deposed skipper John Terry) are kidnapped and held captive by an extremist faction of Fathers 4 Justice, headed by a masked man known only to the authorities as ‘W. Bridge'.

So, facing such a (vastly improbable) scenario, what’s an England manager to do?

Here’s an alternative 23 for Signor Capello, a notoriously avid reader of footballingworld.com, to peruse. Included are a number of the disregarded or unheralded English players that have performed with distinction this season, without even a sniff of international recognition.

Goalkeepers

Steve Harper (Newcastle United). Definitive one-club man, benefitting from his longest first-team run in years. A paragon of consistency with top-class reactions; Harper is currently revelling in a new club clean-sheet record.

Lee Camp (Nottingham Forest). Undoubted star of Forest’s charge up the Championship table; recently handed the skipper’s armband.

Scott Loach (Watford). Under-21s no.1, sensibly gaining invaluable experience in the Championship rather than rotting in Premier League reserves.

Defenders

Michael Dawson (Tottenham Hotspur). If there can be such a thing as a defensive lynchpin at White Hart Lane – a renowned graveyard for central defenders – this season Dawson has been it. Certainly less error-prone than previously, his improved authority and consistency has led to the Spurs captaincy and plaudits from the press and fans alike.

Roger Johnson (Birmingham City). Has, along with defensive partner Scott Dann, surpassed all expectation during his first season at the elite level. Blues’ recent success has been built on the bedrock of his calmness on the ball and relentless appetite for headed clearances.

Sol Campbell (Arsenal). Notwithstanding the fact that the erstwhile Notts County employee cannot cut it for more than 90 minutes per week, he brings a wealth of experience and is regarded by no less than Arsene Wenger as a model professional. Emergency back-up.

Gary Neville (Manchester United). Injury has quickened the apparent decline of this England stalwart, but his vintage performance in the Champions League home tie with Milan reminded us of his long-underrated talents. Perfect captain material.

Danny Fox (Burnley). A short-lived stay at Parkhead brought mixed reviews and the Clarets’ form since his January arrival has hardly provided a ringing endorsement of his defensive talents. However, offensively able left-footed left-backs are a rare enough breed and he is a talented set-piece specialist.

Chris Smalling (Fulham). The 20-year-old is Old Trafford-bound and has impressed on his intermittent appearances for Fulham this season. The new Rio?

Nathaniel Clyne (Crystal Palace). Should be commended not only for his loyalty to Palace in their hour of need, but also his confidence, pace and progressive play. Can cover either full-back position.

Midfielders

Michael Mancienne (Wolves). Permanently out on loan from Chelsea while he awaits the decline of the immovable incumbents at centre-half, this has proved to be something of a breakthrough season for the versatile starlet. It seems that a deep-lying midfield role has brought out his best qualities.

Phil Neville (Everton). Accredited with much of the praise for the Toffees’ meteoric post-Christmas rise by David Moyes. Glossing over his occasionally inglorious international past; Gary’s younger brother is a true Mr Consistency, is versatile, and, like big bro, is perfect captain material.

Jack Rodwell (Everton). Regular appearances this season have provided a platform for the powerful midfielder to shine. Has impressed in a more attacking role of late, yet many predict a great future for Rodwell at centre-half.

Lee Bowyer (Birmingham City). To build a respectable career from the ashes of such a loathsome past takes a certain amount of character, which few people would’ve credited Bowyer with in years gone by. Compensates for declining lung-power with intelligent runs from deep and canny interaction with club cohort Barry Ferguson.

Kevin Nolan (Newcastle United). Considered a Gerrard-lite in his younger years, Nolan has rediscovered his shooting boots in the second tier and revels in his newfound seniority at club level. The FourFourTwo/Coca-Cola Football League player of the year.

David Dunn (Blackburn Rovers). In a previous era, Dunn was oft-touted as the solution to England’s left-sided problem. Unfortunately for him, so was everyone else from Steve McManaman to Trevor Sinclair. Only a calf injury prevented the 30-year-old from building on a lightning start to the campaign (six goals in his first 11 games). Plus ça change.

Adam Johnson (Manchester City). Failed to make it past the provisional selection for the recent Egypt game, this delightfully old-fashioned winger should be a shoe-in.

Peter Whittingham (Cardiff City). Possessed of a left foot of wonderful dexterity, the former Villa man has been scoring relentlessly in the Championship. Can certainly handle the step up to the Prem, should the Bluebirds successfully negotiate the promotion playoffs.

Jack Wilshere (Bolton Wanderers). Every World Cup squad needs a wild-card; a callow youth with abundant talent but zero experience. Already making a significant impact at the Reebok Stadium during his first ever extended first-team run.

Forwards

Darren Bent (Sunderland). Has not impressed upon previous call-ups, but his Premier League goalscoring record is irrefutable. Possible weakness: taking penalties against giant, erratic Brazilian goalkeepers.

Bobby Zamora (Fulham). What a season. What a transformation.

Andy Carroll (Newcastle United). The big man has firmly established impeccable boxing credentials (ask Steven Taylor) and has shown similar prowess in and around Championship penalty boxes this year. Brings to mind a young (for ‘young’ in this instance please read ‘late-twenties’) Luca Toni.

Michael Chopra (Cardiff City). Like Bent, a true fox-in-the-box in the classic style. His late, late derby winner against Swansea this weekend showcased how ‘Chops’ earned an early reputation as the ‘new Michael Owen’. That billing was an over-estimation, as unhappy times in his native North East have proven, but he still sure knows how to sniff out a chance and bury it.

With this alternative squad – a rag-bag collection of gnarled veterans and not-quite-international bright young things – England might still expect to give World Cup group opponents Algeria, Slovenia and the USA, a good run for their money, but an exit in the last 16, against stiffer opposition, would surely await. It might be a nightmare scenario for some, but should Signor Capello need to resort to Plans C, D and E, then we can rest assured that the nation’s hopes will be in safe hands.

Based on club form this season, which players would you nominate for an England squad shorn of its stars?